1. when you are sad -- i will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. when you are blue -- i will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. when you smile -- i will know you finally got laid.
4. when you are scared -- i will rag on you about it every chance i get.
5. when you are worried -- i will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. when you are confused -- i will use little words.
7. when you are sick -- stay the hell away from me until you are well again. i don't want to catch whatever you have.
8. when you fall -- i will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. this is my oath... i pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask."because you are my friend" .

[via mail]